"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." D&C 121:7-8

Sunday, November 1, 2009

And So the countdown begins (by Mom)

And so the countdown begins... I've been on kind of an emotional rollercoaster this week. Ever since the day Jordan was blessed as a baby, I have thought about this time in the future when he would leave home for two years to serve a mission. It's a time I have tried my very hardest to prepare him for and prayed that it would have the desire and worthiness to serve.

College has been a great stepping stone for all of us. It's helped him learn personal responsibility unlike anything he could have experienced living at home. He's learned to prioritize his time, wash and iron his own clothes, and cook for himself...even if it is mostly microwaveable meals. It's helped me to let go a little bit (....just a little bit) and get used to not seeing him every day. This week his mission papers were submitted and we are waiting for his call to come either November 4th or 11th. It's such an exciting and rewarding time but it's also SO scary! Brendan said that it's a lot harder being on the parent side of things than it ever was for him as the missionary.

Everytime I think about the wheels being in motion already for this huge life changing event, tears well up in my eyes. He's my baby. My firstborn. My motherhood guinea pig. Oh, how I have messed up with him. But I hope he'll forgive me. But as wonderful as this time is, I have to be honest here....How am I going to survive on a weekly email and a bi-yearly phone call when I am used to texting back and forth every single day and talking several times a week? Where will he go? Where will be his home for the next two years? Will he be cold? Will he be too hot? Will he like the food? Will there be running water? Will the people love him and take care of him or will he have a hard time having anyone listen to their message? Will Nicole wait? Will he have carpet or dirt floors? Will he learn a new language? And if yes, will it come easy or will he struggle? Will he be safe? Will he follow all the mission rules? Will he get used to getting up at 6 am? Did we do enough to help prepare him?

Making the decision to have him come into our family was a time when I had to exercise the most faith ever and put it all in the Lord's hands. Again, I am standing at a heart wrenching crossroads. The Lord blessed me beyond my greatest expectations the first time and all I can do is have faith that all will go well again. Jordan came to earth with a specific purpose and I know that his mission is the beginning of many great things to come. I am so proud of who he has become and his preparation and willingness to serve our Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for his "I will go, I will do" attitude. He has been blessed with quite a charmed life and it's time to give back, help others, and thank our Heavenly Father.

But still I cry. Still I worry. Still I am sick to my stomach to start on this new and unknown path as a mother. Because you see, Jordan will always be my baby boy and it's hard to let go of such a precious little guy that just yesterday was learning to sing "I am a Child of God." (2 years old)

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